Off The Cuff
Maybe I should write more and care less.
I sometimes feel an urgency to write my next book. Like I have things I need to correct from the first one. I need to make it right, right away. Before more people think that’s all there is to me. That’s all I am. (But that first book was like… a lot. So I should probably be just fine if “that’s all I am.” But I’m not.)
And other times I feel a complete malaise towards it, like eh, who even cares. We all have much better things to worry about. What I have to say — or unsay — isn’t all that important.
And sometimes I listen to a David Sedaris interview and remember why I love writing and reading and sharing, and then a brief moment of inspiration flashes. (This is rare.)
So where I have found myself lately in writing is… stuck. Unsure of my next steps or where to go from here.
Do I write about the toxic relationship and that horrible breakup? Ugh, I don’t want to read all those dumb journal entries again.
Do I write about the beautiful relationship I’m in now? I don’t want him to feel exposed; it’s his private life too. (And he’s also, like, a really good writer. And is probably reading this. Hello, darling.)
Do I write about my grandparents dying? Do I write about the school I made with some friends during Covid? Do I write about the astrology reading I had on my birthday last year? Do I write about my business dying? Do I write about my dog dying? Why was everything dying there for a minute?
I don’t know how it all fits together. I thought once I started writing, that invisible string would magically appear and connect it all. I would have an aha moment of clarity where it would all just… come together.
It hasn’t really, but I also haven’t held up my end of the deal very well. I haven’t been writing consistently like I used to. I miss it. I could easily make the time for it, but I just don’t. Why is that? What’s missing? What am I afraid of?
Should I share more with less polish? Give it less thought? Be more off the cuff? Should I just stop caring and click publish more? (Probably that.)
It almost felt easier writing a book for the first time because I made up my process as I went along. The second time is harder — because you already know the way.